That Time I Accidentally Went to a Swingers Club

**Disclaimer: there are no photos from this story because we were told if at any point our phones were out, they would be confiscated. Oops! has a strict no photo policy.

Me and Monika, WITH swimsuits on.

Once upon a time my friend Monika moved to Barcelona. Monika is Canadian, but her parents were Polish immigrants there, and I met her at a summer camp we both worked at in Spain. Anyway, Monika is pretty cool, so we started hanging out a lot her first summer in Barcelona. We would ogle the boys working out at the beach, we would go on wine dates together, we would bike around the city and go to our gym’s spa together, basically I spent more time with her than anyone else.

One day she said that another boy we used to work with at camp, Jacob, had also recently moved to Barcelona, and he was going to DJ at a super secret party in Barcelona. Word on the street was that the party was at a villa with a pool, inside Barcelona city limits. Having lived in Barcelona for a few years, I was skeptical that such a place existed. I told her I did not want to go to a party that involved having to take anything other than the metro, but she assured me it was within city limits, so I agreed.

The night of the party, as I was walking to our meet-up point, she slyly let me know that we actually couldn’t take the metro, we would have to take a bus. I felt tricked, but had already paid for my ticket and was on my way, so whatever. Once I met her, she said she was slightly concerned about the address because when she put it into google maps it said, “Did you mean Swingers Club Oops! Barcelona?” The house number was 69…

After a lengthy bus ride to one of the swankiest parts of Barcelona - Sarrià - we disembarked and headed in the direction of the party. The streets were dark and quiet, which is super strange for Barcelona, but not for that area. I was feeling creeped out, but pretty soon we saw a giant house, all lit up, with palm trees emerging from a patio. As we got closer we could hear music, and started to see other people. We got into line, and it became apparent that we were definitely at some sort of sex club. Some people were wearing nothing but lacey underwear and high heels, or boxer shorts, just walking around like it was totally normal. But there were also people like us who were wearing normal clothes, completely confused by what was happening. Apparently there were like 3 different parties going on at the club that night, and our friend, Jacob’s party was one of them, and it was a total shock to all those guests as to what we were getting ourselves into.

Upon entering you could go upstairs, downstairs, or out on the patio. Downstairs had ominous red lights coming from it, and upstairs was reserved for couples or single women only, so we took the safe route and headed outside. The patio was packed with an eclectic mix of people. We found Jacob, but only to discover we had already missed his set - so basically we were just at a sex party for no reason.

I soon had to pee and got in line, but it was soooo long because you could apparently do whatever you wanted in there… An employee approached me and told me that if I was by myself, I was free to use the bathroom upstairs, the line was shorter. I headed up the stairs and was shocked to find not only the bathroom, but basically a huge locker room with showers and lockers where multiple sets of feet were peeking out from below shower stall doors, and other women were stripping down. There were also several “bedrooms” which were basically just large open rooms with giant platforms covered in mattresses where people could have sex - no doors on any of the rooms. I tried not to stare as I frantically searched for the bathroom to escape from this surreal landscape around me. I made sure not to touch anything in the bathroom as I relieved myself and ran back down the stairs to Monika.

Monika had been super excited about the fact that the party was going to have a swimming pool. Once we realized what kind of place it was, I just assumed swimming was off the table because gross. Not so. A lone couple was in the pool, naked and beckoned us to join them. I was mortified, but Monika just shrugged, kicked off her clothes and jumped in. That got a few others to join in, as I just stood awkwardly on the side of the pool trying to figure out what the most benign object I could avert my eyes to would be.

Eventually Mon got out of the pool, put her clothes on, we danced a bit, and then caught the next bus back into the city center.

I definitely did not love that experience, but it gave me a great story, and definitely made for an interesting night - one of those once-in-a-lifetime moments that only happen when you’re traveling and feeling more open to adventure than normal. I often think about that place, and how most people in Barcelona probably have no idea it even exists, which always just makes me think of all the places right here in Wichita I’m oblivious to. There are dark underworlds everywhere, I suppose.