Rediscovering and Redefining Play

I went on a date a couple months ago. I felt like it was a hot mess situation so I had zero expectations, and essentially did not care at all what the guy thought about me. Almost 3 hours after walking into the bar I literally had to run out because I realized I was late to a meet up with some friends. Three hours had passed in the blink of an eye, full of laughing and talking, and chair dancing (on my part). I got home that night and replayed everything as I lay in bed and the thought that just kept popping up was, “That was so fun!”

The past couple months I have been rediscovering and redefining “play” in my life.

Play has always been important to me, and I’ve frequently gotten frustrated as an adult that no one wants to play anymore. Everyone wants to “grab a drink” or “go to dinner”, but nobody ever just wants to play.

I’ve started dating a boy who loves sports, especially football. He explained to me that watching the games is very important to him because it is his time to turn his brain off and just be. He told me he would enjoy it if I watched the games with him, so I was very surprised when I showed up, and he pulled out a deck of cards. “I thought we were going to watch the game?” “We are, but we can do this too.” And then he proceeded to teach me a couple new card games that we played while the game was on. During a different game he suggested we do a puzzle. It was so refreshing.

On New Year’s Eve we went to a bar - laughably early, I might add…apparently a hazard of getting older. He saw a few games laying on a table so he went over and grabbed one and we had the best night working our way through these question cards that went with some random drinking game. In fact it was so fun, I later got on Amazon and searched ‘couple card games’ and ended up buying this set. Now anytime we’re out having a cocktail, or grabbing a quick bite at a restaurant, or even just having a quiet night in, I reach for these cards; they always lead to the best conversations and deeper connection.

We’ve explored 3 different museums around town, spent the night in a haunted hotel with an underground saloon in western Kansas, and play trivia together at a local bar. We’ve also created a 2024 bucketlist of restaurants to eat at, books to read, movies to watch, places to visit, and much more that we’ve been working our way through. No matter what it is though, it is brimming with laughter and fun.

On our very first date I made it abundantly clear that communication is of utmost importance to me, and he made it clear that joy and laughter were of utmost importance to him; funny thinking back on that now that we were both looking for exactly what (I believe) the other is innately gifted at.

I don’t think a few months ago answering serious questions about finances, and childhood memories, and future life goals would have fallen under the title “play” for me, nor would visiting a museum. However, I realize it’s more the state of mind you’re in when you do the activity as opposed to just the activity itself. We’re not just asking each other questions, we are playing the get-to-know-you game. We’re not just visiting a museum, we’re playing I Spy, and show-and-tell, and oohing and ahhing over fascinating new objects and shared experiences. More to the point, we are intentionally engaged in activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than serious purposes.

In addition to simply having fun together, the benefits of this playfulness have bled into other parts of my life. I have picked up my watercolors more, I have tried new things with my camera, and I have been writing more. In short, I have been more open and inspired, and have felt more child-like wonder in my life. All things I did not know how much I was truly missing until I found them again.

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again - though I’ve been doing more and sleeping less, I’ve been feeling more relaxed and energized than I have in a very long time. It is so easy to sit down and turn on the tv and zone out after a long day of work or just everyday life, but being very intentional with our time has been so fruitful - we both have shared that we feel much more patient with those around us, and appreciate and enjoy our students and kids more.

I know it’s still the early stages, and everything’s easier in the early stages, but also this feels different somehow. Deeper. As though all the things I’ve been learning, and strengthening, and building the past few years are finally solidifying into stable, healthy habits.

So I hope I keep playing, keep laughing, and keep having fun. Even Especially when it’s hard. I hope I keep having someone that brings that out in me, and reminds me of its importance.