“You are freaking brilliant. You are freaking gorgeous and intelligent. You have an adventurous spirit which is desirable, and it is unique and rare. Not everybody can do what you do and enjoy it to its fullest. You are also brave. You are a problem solver. You’re a go-getter. You’re creative. You see the beauty all around you in the simplest things and it inspires me constantly. You live life to its fullest and you see everything in like bright, vivid, neon colors. You are a person of connection. You love connecting people, and you love re-connecting with people…”

This is a dictation of an audio message a friend just left me. Every now and then, no matter how amazing we are, or how often we speak these truths into our souls, the doubts creep in…or worse, we let others’ doubts creep in…

Thank God I have friends who speak truth to me when my own truth falters. Thank God I’ve worked so hard these past years that I know what I’m feeling is only temporary, and deep down I still know I’m an amazing, good human. But that doesn’t make it suck any less. When others take advantage of your goodness and vulnerability. The immediate reaction is to shut down. Become harder and more cynical. But somehow I find myself becoming softer and more hopeful. I’m amazed I even just typed that; that it came from my own brain.

Every interaction is a lesson, and I’ve learned so much this year. Each setback gets me closer to truth and authenticity, slowly wearing away the excess, “the show,” the non-essential. I’ve learned that I value clear communication above all else, not just in what it produces, but what it - or more like lack of it - reveals in others.

So I will sit, and I will hurt, and I will cry, I’ll really lean into it because, well, I am an Enneagram 4 after all. But then I will go to bed, and I will wake up, and it will already start to fade. I will remember my strength that’s gotten me through so much worse, and my resilience will only grow.

And above all, I will remember that I’m not alone. That I have amazing people all around me. People who do see my worth, and appreciate it, and speak it to me. And I will continue being grateful.