Last week I attended the funeral of Ryan Benton, a friend from high school. He had Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, and the word that kept being used to describe him was “pioneer.” He was the first with this type of MD to receive adult stem-cell treatments, and it greatly prolonged his life. He also used his experiences to create a huge annual fund-raiser, and non-profit - Coming Together For a Cure.

As if this weren’t enough, he also used the gift of his extended years to write and produce hundreds of songs, write a 200+ page autobiography (using only his thumb typing on his cell phone because he didn’t have the strength to type on a computer), and create a documentary about his life.

However, as I sat through the several eulogies given at the packed funeral, it wasn’t the incredible list of accomplishments mentioned above that people kept repeating, it was how Ryan made them feel. Person after person spoke to Ryan’s gifts of making them feel seen and heard; of his compassion and gentle love shown in the simplest of ways.

This morning a friend messaged me saying that he’s been feeling 50/50 with life lately. I asked what could improve that number, and he said, “Having some sort of clue how to make my life worthwhile.” I was instantly saddened because I realized he has no clue how worthwhile it already has been.

Two years ago I was at my lowest point, contemplating suicide. This friend not only showed up for me physically, but he continuously checked in on me throughout the following months, and now years. His random messages have always meant so much to me - just knowing that someone is thinking of me and cares enough to reach out is so so special. I put that last part in italics because I know that most of us - myself included - think a lot about others, but many times our good intentions get forgotten or washed away in the great sea of busyness that our lives have become. The amount of times I lay down in bed at night, just about to fall asleep, when I remember a text I didn’t respond to or meant to send, a letter still left unposted, or a kind word I hadn’t meant to leave unsaid, is countless. The fact that there are people out there who do follow through on those thoughts and sentiments is so rare, and such a life raft when we find ourselves sinking.

I think too often we want big, bold greatness. We want Meaning with a capital ‘M.’ We want tangible accomplishments to know that we’ve served a purpose. But in focusing on that, we have been diminishing the value of the small, daily acts - the very same acts that keep us going day-in and day-out. The very same acts that have made my friend’s life more ‘worthwhile’ to me than any big, showy gesture or accomplishment ever could.

As someone who also struggles with whether or not her life has purpose, and the mundanity of daily life, I get it. This is not what one wants to hear, and probably sounds cliché or like an empty platitude. But know that when I say I believe these small, intentional acts of love and compassion are what will save and heal us all, I deeply and truly believe it. And that, to me, is the most worthwhile achievement anyone can exemplify.